Don’t Leave Home Without ‘Em!

(From Sunday, December 5) After seeing Larry off at the airport, for a week of meetings in Zambia, Linda and I drove to church. The McCauleys attend an English service at a Baptist church. There aren’t any CRC or RCA churches in Lilongwe. (Actually, the McCauleys are Presbyterian by background, but are hired by the RCA and on loan to the CRC.)

About halfway to church, I became aware of my stomach. It was beginning to indicate that breakfast would not be making a long-term commitment to my digestive system.

I couldn’t figure out why that would be. I had eaten the same breakfast as Saturday – bran flakes with milk. Oh, and come to think of it, on Sunday, I also had a fresh, local banana. Could that be the culprit, a seemingly safe and innocent banana? My Malawi guide book had assured me that local fruit, peeled, were harmless.

I managed to keep it together throughout the two hour service, until communion. Just the thought of the bread and wine was leaving me in a cold, lower-abdominal clenched sweat. Linda was able to direct me to the ladies room, and I found the last stall with toilet paper – score!

Unfortunately, the frail, elderly woman who came tottering in after me, wouldn’t have been as fortunate – but during these desperate physiological times, it is every woman for herself…

The rest of Sunday was a write-off as I took to my bed and swore to never again mock Stephanie Clarke’s battalion of germicidal office products. It looks like my dream of enjoying indigenous African food may die on the banana vine… oh, and I also found out that I missed the mouse season by about four weeks. And yes, for those of you wondering, the locals do eat the whole mouse – skin, tail, feet, tiny tongues and teeth and all.

Antibacterial spray, Pepto-Bismol and Immodium – don’t leave home without ‘em!