Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia

January 5 - I have had time for two terrible insect encounters tonight.

First, I saw something that I thought was a large spider, which I was about to catch under a glass for live release tomorrow morning. Then it hopped! A few times! Rather high and erratically! And I lost track of where it was. Was it even a spider, or some other kind of large insect? Shortly afterwards, I heard another clicking sound. I think it hopped again, but I didn’t know where! How terrible! Enough is enough – I decided to remove the kid gloves and forsake the live release method. I vowed, if it ventured anywhere near me, I would be dosing it with Raid. Unlike my intrepid missionary friend, Linda, I don’t have the internal fortitude to squish insects underfoot. But this one had to die – I couldn’t stand knowing it was in the house with me.

 Come out into the open, horrible scary insect – so I can kill you!

Then, about an hour later, I encountered another large spider – or possibly the same one as was hopping in the kitchen earlier – although this one was on the living room curtain. If it’s the same one, I shudder to think of how it crossed from kitchen to living room without being seen, as I was sitting in the junction between them – and the entire open space is probably no more than 36 feet wide!

To give you an idea of the spider’s massiveness and presence – you can hear a sound when it scuttles up the curtain - footsteps. It would be arrested if it parked itself in a Handicapped Parking space. It has limbs and if I moved close enough, and mustered up some courage, I suspect I could take its pulse and feel its breath. If this spider needed formal wear, a tailor would need a large tape measure to figure out how much material to buy. Get it – it’s BIG!!!

True to my word, I doused the giant spider with a multiple sprays of Raid – which appear to have been entirely ineffective, as it is, as far as I can ascertain, still alive! I never did hear the thud of its body slipping from the curtain to the floor.

I even tried to capture it in a drinking glass, thinking the Raid might at least have weakened it, but it just shuffled quickly away down the curtain, at which point I was afraid of a possible hand to hand combat encounter and backed off. All the GoodLife Fitness BodyCombat classes in the world couldn’t have prepared me enough for that!

 I am now eying it from a safer distance – as well as a third spider - a medium-sized relative which is scurrying about on the floor near the bedroom. I suspect I could capture or spray the smaller one, but I am too defeated to even try. How many times have I thanked God for Lisa Anderson’s mosquito net, which is also a sanctuary from spiders? How could I sleep without it, wondering if spiders were dropping onto me from the ceiling? Bless you, Lisa!

Unless – what if the big one comes at the net with a pair of scissors, or even rips it open with its bare hands, which, judging from its size and dexterity, is a possibility.

Do spiders have hands?

What if I wake up in the morning, like Frodo Baggins, encased in spider webbing?

Yikes two more spiders, one quite small, and another medium-small! I’m going to retreat to my cocoon and finish writing in there, where I have to believe it is safe.

 I made a small videotape of me confronting the failure-to-die spider, for future reference or, should my circumstances take a bad turn , it will be my legacy, a final testimony.

Ha – upon climbing through the net, into bed, in the soft glow of my flashlight – I see movement. Turns out it’s a lizard! I don’t mind lizards – maybe it will eat some spiders. At any rate, even spiders are easier to deal with in the morning.